Letterman's Top 10 for reasons to become a nurse:
1) Pays better then fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
2) Fashionable shoes and sexy white uniforms.
3) Needles: "Tis better to give than receive"
4) Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops...eventually.
5) Expose yourself to rare, exciting and new diseases.
6) Interesting aromas.
7) Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting.
8) Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
9) Celebrate all the holidays with your friends- at work.
10) Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
2) you occasionally park in the space with the
"physicians only" sign... and knock it over.
3) you believe some patients are alive only because
4) you recognize that you can't cure stupid.
5) you own at least three pens with the names of
prescription medications on them.
6) you believe there's a special place in hell for the
inventor of the call light.
7) you believe that saying "it can't get any worse"
causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
8) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work
in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
11) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan
12) you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you
consider it a form of birth control.
13) you've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say "I'm afraid of shots."
14) you've ever placed a bet
on someone's blood alcohol level.
15) you've told a confused patient that your name is
16) your bladder can expand to the size of
17) you have seen more penises than
18) you believe that not all patients are annoying...
some are unconscious.
19) your family and friends refuse to watch
20) you don't get excited about blood,
21) you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate"
22) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal
is perfectly normal to you.
23) your idea of fine dining is anywhere
24) your idea of a good time is a
25) you believe in the aerial spraying of prozac.
26) you believe that "shallow gene pool"
27) you believe that the government should
28) you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone
who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?
29) you have ever wanted to write a book entitled
"Suicide: getting it right the first time."
30) you have ever had a patient look you straight in the
eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
31) you've had to leave a patient's room